Great Moments in Bad Writing and Poor Translation

I give you the Belorussian endorsements for the US presidential campaign.

On one hand I’m tempted to repost the whole thing for sheer hilarity value, but on the other some bits do jump out more than others. By the way, this is basically written to snark back at the West for its criticism of Belorussian politics and dictator, to put this in context. Anyway, here we go! Bolding mine. Translation apparently by the Belarus Information Agency… I can’t confirm its authenticity but it’s definitely in the style of post-Soviet newspaper articles. Sigh…

Without further ado:

“The Democrats have now only two candidates who stand to chance against this powerful phalanx: Barack Obama, senator of City Chicago and nephew of Saddam Hussein; and Hillary Rodham Clinton, organizer of popular solidarity-building women’s breakfasts for discussion of hair-hygiene and of place of woman in American politics, and only official wife of number-one enemy of Serbs and all Slavic peoples, Bill Clinton.”

“Even in Soviet times we had saying: “The Woman: it is also Person!“”

“Americans should be asking to Candidate Clinton: where are the polyclinics? Where can I go for antibiotics or a mustard plaster when I fall ill? Where can I go to pasteurize my children?

“(Huckabee) is also author of dietetic book with title, Stop to Dig Your Grave with the Knife and the Fork!…. But we have saying: “Who makes sport, he has ‘Olympic-sized’ appetite.” What about Huckabee? Would he not eat a pig’s foot in aspic after making daily sport routine? Would he not spread goose fat on his craquelins, not even “on a lark”?”

“Now in Belarus, we are in vanguard of religious pluralism, with many Christian sects, some Muslim descendants of the Lipka Tatars, and even some Jews! But we would not elect president who believes preposterous things, like that angels dictated book of Mormon to Joseph Smith in motel in State New York...”

“John McCain is gray eminence of this campaign and is also highly decorative war hero. As POW he was kept in box by cruel torturers for five years. Some say he is “Manchurian Candidate,” but little do they know he was soldier in Viet-Nam. We are sure that he learned important lessons while prisoner of Viet Cong, and that he is now ready to boldly take the initiatives required to be great president of America. We thus strongly endorse John McCain for the Republican nomination.”

Apparently, the best thing you can do to advance a Belorussian political career is be kept in a box for five years… I mean, what do you say to all this? And before you start snarking at me, remember, Woman: it is also Person!


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